IT’S ALWAYS cats that save the world. And not just any cats, but tomcats. Tom Poes, Puss in Boots, Lion King – all guys like me. Never do you read about a dog saving mankind, or a cow, a monkey, or a rhino. Let alone a finch, jay, raven or falcon.
The latter is a shame though, because birds deserve better. For every human being on earth, there are fifty birds in the sky. And never does a door or window suddenly pop out of their fuselages, as has been happening to Boeings lately. A little more respect is in order here. Birds have known how to fly two million years before people could, and all that time humans didn’t get higher than jumping six feet over a bar. Until the Wright brothers … but then again, they grew up with a cat at home.
I will be elected president of the United States this November. High time because the world is facing problems we can no longer leave to humans. No, not the environment, AI, Putin, or the sad quality level of men’s soccer in America. You bipeds will figure that out at some point. I’m talking about problems like this guy who claims the world is going to hell because of women who like cats, cat ladies. He has a following too. JD Vance. JD stands for Jandoedel, which is Dutch for a stupid nincompoop.
Here, only a booted kick in the ass will help, and I promise my voters: such a kick will be administered to Jandoedel. On behalf of my buddies Lion King, Puss in Boots and Tom Poes. Signed, VanderBus for president. Just be sure to vote, okay? The first mail-in ballots are already out the door.
* VanderBus left home at the age of six weeks and went hunting for a city bus in Maine. He caught the bus. It cost him one eye, but he won a standing ovation from everyone who watched him do it. VanderBus, since then mayor of Bicker Hollow, is running for president of the United States.
