by Father Ron Geilen
GRIEF IS an experience that touches every person’s life at some point. Whether through the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a major life transition, grief comes in waves—sometimes expected, often not. It is a deeply personal process, and no two people experience it the same way.
We often hear about the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but the truth is that grief rarely follows a neat path. Some days, you might feel like you’re moving forward, only to be swept back by a flood of emotions. Grief isn’t just an emotional response either; it can take a physical toll, leaving you feeling exhausted or unable to sleep. It can cloud your thoughts, making even simple decisions seem impossible. And then there is the social aspect: when you’re grieving, relationships change. People do not always know how to respond, sometimes leading to isolation. But what happens when grief is layered with the complexities of leaving your homeland?
For immigrants, grief takes on an entirely new dimension. Immigrant grief is about more than just leaving a place behind—it is about leaving a whole life behind. It is the loss of familiar surroundings, the smell of your favorite foods in the market, and the sound of your language in everyday conversation. It is missing the family and friends you had to leave behind, and knowing that the distance, both physical and emotional, isn’t easily bridged.
THIS TYPE of grief can be overwhelming. It is not only about mourning the life you once knew, but you are also trying to adapt to a new environment that often feels alien. The new language, the unfamiliar customs, the sense that you do not quite belong—it can all intensify feelings of loss. And then there is the guilt, the sense that you have left people behind, that you should be there for them even though you cannot. Immigrant grief is not just about the past; it is also about the present. The challenges of living in a new country—navigating discrimination, financial struggles, or cultural misunderstandings—can add layers to an already heavy heart.
And then comes the question of identity: who are you now? Are you defined by where you came from, or where you are now? This dissonance often leads to an ongoing identity crisis, leaving you feeling torn between two worlds. So, where does healing come into this picture? This is where a spiritual counselor or spiritual director, if you want, can make all the difference. For many, grief—especially immigrant grief—can feel isolating.
A spiritual counselor offers a safe space to unpack these emotions without fear of being misunderstood. They provide a compassionate ear, allowing you to speak your truth, whether it is anger, sadness, or guilt. But beyond just listening, they help you explore the deeper spiritual questions that arise when dealing with loss. They guide you in finding meaning, not necessarily in the loss itself, but in how it fits into the broader story of your life.
IN TIMES of loss, rituals can be incredibly grounding. A spiritual counselor can help you incorporate meaningful practices that honor both what you have lost and the life you are building. For immigrants, this might mean holding onto traditions from their homeland as a way to stay connected to their roots. Reconnecting with your cultural heritage through food, music, or festivals can create a sense of continuity in your life, offering comfort in an unfamiliar world.
Mindfulness and meditation are often recommended by spiritual counselors as tools for managing the intensity of grief. These practices can help you stay present during moments of overwhelming emotion, allowing you to ride the waves of grief without being completely consumed by them. When grief feels unbearable, mindfulness can be the lifeline that brings you back to the here and now, giving you space to breathe.
Another important role of a spiritual counselor is helping you rebuild your community. Grief can make you feel like you are all alone, especially if you have left your support system behind. Finding or creating a new community is crucial to healing. Whether it is through support groups, faith communities, or simply gathering with others who share similar experiences, community can be the balm that soothes the wounds of grief. For immigrants struggling with their sense of identity, spiritual counselors also offer guidance in finding balance.
THEY HELP you navigate the tension between the old and new, encouraging you to embrace the richness of both your past and your present. This is not about choosing one over the other, but about integrating both parts of yourself in a way that feels authentic and whole. Perhaps most importantly, a spiritual counselor teaches you the power of self-compassion. Grief has no timetable, and there’s no “right” way to mourn. You are allowed to feel what you feel, whether that is sadness, anger, or even moments of joy. You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to be gentle with yourself as you heal.
In the end, grief—whether experienced as the loss of a loved one, the loss of a home, or both—is a journey. It is a winding road filled with unexpected turns, but you do not have to walk it alone. With the right support, from a spiritual counselor or a compassionate community, you can find meaning, connection, and, eventually, healing.
Grief does not define you, but it does shape you. And while it may never fully disappear, it can transform into something softer, something that allows you to honor your past while moving forward into the future. If you or someone you know is navigating the complexities of grief, especially the unique challenges of immigrant grief, consider reaching out to a spiritual counselor. Healing may not come all at once, but with guidance, it will come.
* Ron Geilen from Geleen, the Netherlands is vicar/priest at All Saints & Sinners Anglican Mission in Fulton and St. Charles, Missouri.
