To become president of America, you have to be at least 35 years old. A cat can’t wait that long. I am now 28 months old. By election day, it will be 36 months. Ask any other cat and you’ll get the same answer: VanderBus is old and wise enough to run the country.
The White House is situated at Pennsylvania Avenue. With the stroke of a pen, this will become Pawsylvania. The White House becomes White Mouse – one wrong move by government officials, and I will eat and swallow them whole. You the people need to be able to sleep peacefully. President VanderBus is going to make sure of that, and you know it.
Free cat food for everyone. No one will need to stand in line at PetSmart or Petco anymore, or put in pricey orders at Chewy. VanderBus’ air force will drop it on your doorstep, by drone delivery. Cleaning litter boxes? Litter box robots will go door to door, softly meowing, compliments of the president. And before you ask: But if the Air Force drops off cat food at home, who will protect us abroad? My answer is: I am directly related to San Diego Zoo’s Siberian tiger.
Why do you think Putin hasn’t been seen on the streets since he killed that opposition leader?
* VanderBus left home at the age of six weeks and went hunting for a city bus in Maine. He caught the bus. It cost him one eye, but he won a standing ovation from everyone who watched him do it. VanderBus, since then mayor of Bicker Hollow, is running for president of the United States.
