We’re not China here, we’re not going to be putting dogs and cats to death on an ongoing basis. Instead: anyone who rescues a dog or cat from an animal shelter will get a tax break of $1,000 per animal. Per year.
But what about those nasty dogs that bite? They go into mandatory military service. I start a brand new dogfantry division that I’ll station along the border with North Korea. Watch how quickly they’ll come to their senses.
Monkey business, yet another thing. Nothing wrong with that. Mandatory class in all elementary schools, an hour every week. Learn to be a little mischievous, ring someone’s doorbell and run, light a newspaper with dog poop inside on fire so the neighbor tries to kick it out, unsuspecting. Bullying, that’s altogether different. Bullies get one warning, one only, and if they do it again, they become dog food at the dogfantry in Korea.
I will do away with Air Force One. Instead: AirBus One, a helicopter, a robot. Fully automatic, no pilot on board, and noiseless. Zero inconvenience for residents nearby the White Mouse.
And furthermore: in VanderBus’ America no one is barked at, no one is cowed, made fun of, or have their leg pulled. Perpetrators will end up in a pillory. And then we’ll all yell back. And throw snowballs at them. In a climate changing America I promise to provide snow all year round, for everyone.
Is that the cat’s meow or what?
* VanderBus left home at the age of six weeks and went hunting for a city bus in Maine. He caught the bus. It cost him one eye, but he won a standing ovation from everyone who watched him do it. VanderBus, since then mayor of Bicker Hollow, is running for president of the United States.
