THERE IS much ado about that debate between those two old men. One was lying through his teeth, the other could barely get two sentences together.
So what?
President Calvin Coolidge talked so little that his nick was Silent Cal. Once when he was sitting at a banquet, the lady beside him said she had wagered with a friend that she could get the president to say more than two words. Coolidge: “You lose.”
Ronald Reagan was deaf, James Madison had epilepsy, Abraham Lincoln couldn’t poop, Zachary Taylor died of diarrhea, Warren Harding fell in love with a woman across the street, Bill Clinton with his intern, James Buchanan was gay when that was still socially a no-no, Teddy Roosevelt boxed in the White House and lost an eye, and his cousin Franklin was paralyzed in a wheelchair.
And you say a cat can’t be president of America?
There is a cat named Garfield. Named after President James Garfield who was ambidextrous, he could write with both hands simultaneously, in two different languages if necessary. Latin with his left hand, Greek with the other. Me? I can scratch with four hands at the same time. I lost an eye. I poop like the best of them. And, I swear, I win every debate.
Invite me to the next one.
* VanderBus left home at the age of six weeks and went hunting for a city bus in Maine. He caught the bus. It cost him one eye, but he won a standing ovation from everyone who watched him do it. VanderBus, since then mayor of Bicker Hollow, is running for president of the United States.
