THEY once asked Mary Lincoln if her husband Abraham had any time for a hobby in addition to being president. Her response, “Yes, cats.” Abe was so fond of felines that he was the first president to adopt a cat as a pet. Two actually, Tabby and Dixie. Much to his wife’s dismay. He made them eat with them at the dinner table, off a plate, and Mary said something like: “One doesn’t do such a thing, you unmannered ass.” The White House china was left behind by Lincoln’s predecessor James Buchanan, for whom Abe held nothing but contempt, and rumor has it that he responded with, “If that plate was good enough for James, it’s definitely good enough for a cat.”
There have been cats running around the White House for as long as it has been around, because all previous residents let them run loose in the basement to go after mice and rats. But Lincoln was the first to promote them to pets, and so you’d think that this would give me a good vibe at the thought of me getting elected president of the United States this November.
Not so. And that’s because of Siam. She was the first Siamese cat in America, a gift from the US ambassador in Thailand to Mrs. Lucy Hayes, wife of President Rutherford B. Hayes. Lucy was of Dutch descent, see her story elsewhere in this week’s paper, she had roots in Oss in Brabant, and she was a stupid klutz. One day Siam wasn’t feeling well, probably just a hairball, but every three hours Lucy gave her a diet of fish, chicken, duck, oysters, whipped cream, beef broth and milk to lap up. Dead as a doornail, in no time.
Lucy insisted that an autopsy be done, at the Agriculture Department, and there Siam’s corpse went suddenly missing, never to be found again.
So no, I am not eagerly looking forward to moving to Pennsylvania Avenue. The Dutch prime minister’s Catshuis in The Hague sounds a lot more attractive.
* VanderBus left home at the age of six weeks and went hunting for a city bus in Maine. He caught the bus. It cost him one eye, but he won a standing ovation from everyone who watched him do it. VanderBus, since then mayor of Bicker Hollow, is running for president of the United States.
