DUTCH

 

THERE ARE 86 million dogs living in America, and 66 million cats. All of which have no president to watch over them. Today there is an airline for dogs, Bark Air. You don’t believe me? See for yourself. For six thousand dollars, your dog flies from New York to Los Angeles. London is also possible, for an extra two thousand.

Nice, but how many dogs can afford this? That’s one. Two: why not also an airline for cats? This is the kind of puzzle that the next president of America is going to face. Here’s another one: self-driving cars. Between now and the year 2030 that will become normal on the highway, and in your own neighborhood as well.

I’m old enough to remember when self-driving cabs were taken off the road in San Francisco because they weren’t supposed to be safe enough. The day after tomorrow, that’s a problem that will be solved. Before you know it, you and your family will be driving in one of those driverless cars yourselves. And what the president gets to decide next is this: if old geezers like Joe Biden and Donald Trump can be on the road in a self-driving car, why not a cat too?

This will be my puzzle to resolve as president: how do I convince the Congress that cats and dogs deserve to be allowed behind the wheel, once no one is needed to drive a self-driving car? Like airlines for all pets, it’s a matter of common fairness.

* VanderBus left home at the age of six weeks and went hunting for a city bus in Maine. He caught the bus. It cost him one eye, but he won a standing ovation from everyone who watched him do it. VanderBus, since then mayor of Bicker Hollow, is running for president of the United States.