I DIDN’T need to think very long about that. A woman, that was clear right out of the gate. Young, someone with a long future. Someone who herself has so many years ahead of her, that it really matters what kind of policies are implemented in the White Mouse. An old guy of 78, like Donald Trump, he doesn’t care what happens to the country fifteen years from now. He won’t be around by then anyway.
Name recognition, also important. That’s why I briefly considered asking Taylor Swift. Gelderland roots, via her grandmother Meulenkamp, the Achterhoek area. Give her a flute, and she’ll roam around the world like a pied piper, millions of young voters in her wake. But Taylor’s agenda was already full.
For a moment, I thought of Femke Bol. Long legs, quick as an antelope. And endearing in front of a camera, with that high-pitched voice, always happy, always grateful. But by the time I could ask her to be my running mate, those legs had already sprinted her away. A president who can’t keep up with his vice president, that’s not good advertising.
And so I asked Barbie. She immediately said yes. VanderBus and Barbie 2024. In her upcoming debate, she will make minced meat of JD Vance and his hatred of women who like cats. Every registered American woman voter has at one time or another undressed and dressed a Barbie doll, and therefore knows she has nothing to hide. Also important to me, her future president: if she were to leave my side too quickly, I can simply snap a leg off her bod. That was Femke Bol’s main downside.
* VanderBus left home at the age of six weeks and went hunting for a city bus in Maine. He caught the bus. It cost him one eye, but he won a standing ovation from everyone who watched him do it. VanderBus, since then mayor of Bicker Hollow, is running for president of the United States.
